Tuesday 12 June 2012

Question: "How can married people avoid emotional affairs?"




An emotional affair occurs when a married person shares emotional intimacy and support with an individual other than his/her spouse. Marital partners should share problems, feelings, and needs with one other and determine the boundaries of what can be shared and to whom. Depending on others to meet our emotional needs can become a temptation, especially when spouses spend much time apart while spending large blocks of time with others. Co-workers and those in close proximity on a daily basis can become a substitute for emotional support. Work relations and friendships need to have proper boundaries to ensure they do not become inappropriate.

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There are warning signs that a platonic friendship could be leading to an emotional affair. When we start to feel a need to hide aspects of a relationship, we are crossing a line into inappropriate territory. Emotional distance between spouses or an increase in arguments may indicate one spouse is turning to another person for closeness. Intimacy requires closeness, and that cannot happen if a spouse gives his/her closeness to someone outside the marriage. Thus, emotional affairs often lead to sexual affairs as the intimate emotional closeness shifts to physical closeness. Many people deny the seriousness of an emotional affair, but such affairs are not harmless and can destroy marriages and families.

Christians should make choices that guard against the temptation to lean on someone other than the spouse God has given to them. Some are:

1. Do not spend time alone with anyone of the opposite gender, especially one you are attracted to.
2. Do not spend more time with another person than your spouse.
3. Do not share intimate details of life with anyone before sharing it with your spouse.
4. Live transparently. Do everything as if your spouse is present.
5. Devote personal time to prayer and Bible study. 

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